Well.. a lot has happened since my last post.
Brad announced 24 hours after my last post that he had made a final decision, and that he wanted a divorce. Within one week, he had moved back to our condo and moved his gay lover, one of my lifelong friends, in with him.
The following week was a nightmare. A TOTAL nightmare. I was a basket case wreck. Brad's family was of NO help. I thought they would stand up to him. I thought they would stand up for ME and the kids.. or at least for the KIDS. I thought they would stand up for what is RIGHT. But they didn't.
I was left. With a 4 year old son and a 9 month old son... completely alone.
My family stepped up. My friends have stepped up. I had not idea how many people loved me... and have always disliked Brad.., but I digress.
So I began the stages of grief. I cried my eyeballs out. I ended up in the emergency room on Christmas night. I had to take pills to calm down. I got angry. I'm still angry at times.. I get the angriest when the children are driving me nuts with crying or with Eli constantly hanging on me.. or when I'm just ready to get in the bed at night and they aren't ready... I'm SO mad at him for leaving me all alone with these two babies!
I went for a 4 day stay at my moms. We returned today. While I was gone, I started the Love Dare. Kevin and Kayla suggested that to me last Monday.. I'm not sure why I'm doing it. I'm not sure I want my husband back. I'm not sure I want to love him again. I'm not sure if I'm doing it to force myself to be nice to him and to be the bigger person. But I'm doing it nonetheless.
Day 1- the dare was to say ONLY positive things to your spouse. I think I was able to do that. Although we only communicated by text message that day... we were beginning to "argue" about his visitation with the children, but I stayed positive.
Day 2- the dare was to give him something so unexpected to let him know that I was thinking of him. I ordered a taco salad from Olympic and had a friend deliver it to the clinic where he was working. I texted him and told him I had a special delivery coming for him for lunch. He texted me back later in the afternoon and said "thank you for the taco salad."
Day 3- the dare was to purchase something that only I would know he loves. I bought him a pack of Crystal Light lemonade packets. He LIVES off of those. I have yet to see him to give it to him - this was the day that he got very ugly with me over the children.
Day 4 - the dare was to call him in the middle of the day for no reason other than to ask how he is doing and if there was anything I could do for him. I didn't think this would be successful at all because why would he want me to do anything for him right now? I called him mid afternoon and left a voicemail that said I was just calling to say hi and to see if i could do anything for him - just like the dare said. Much later in the evening I texted him to remind him of something on tv and then he asked me to please get his organ bag and music from our church we've been attending. I agreed.
Continued in the following edition...
